fuck face (xblackthoughtsx) wrote,
fuck face
xblackthoughtsx

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So, I felt since I never really make entries anymore, or at least ones that have any relevance, I decided I was going concoct something fresh.

So in the last month I've implemented this process where I'm making flash cards on vocabulary. It started off when my grad school books arrived in the mail, one of them being on how to prepare for the GREs. But now, it's turned it something more than that. I've always known that my vocab was subpar and this is just the tool I needed. So now, as I'm reading books, I stop and look up words and write them down, and have now assembled a list of over 500 index cards.

I've been cooped up in my house for the past 4 days. On Friday I had surgery. I had a hernia, which was restricting my movement, and keeping me out of work at Trader Joes. So now, I can return to Seventh Avenue after a week off and Trader Joes in two weeks. It's nice to actually have a real vacation. Usually vacations consist of travelling and doing all these superfluous activities, but not really having any time to oneself. Considering that until today, I couldn't leave the house to do anything, I've had a lot of time to myself. Also, I've been doing a lot of reading. And to top off the "vacation", I'm leaving on Friday with some friends from work and heading down to LA. We will boarding a vessel and embarking on a 3-day cruise down to Ensenada. We will return Monday morning and Tuesday will be my first day back to work.

Before you read this, here's just a little caveat; this rant comes across as if I'm emotionally invested - I am not. Since I never write in here anymore, I just wanted to put all my thoughts down in one place. I've become peevish over this situation. What situation you might ask? Well, of course it's always about a girl. To keep it short, here is an abridged shorter version of the story. I met her the night of graduation at a party. We hit it off and the whole situation was propitious. But she lived in So Cal, and was visiting one of my friends. So I didn't really expect to hear from her again. Basically, over the course of the summer we saw each other 4 more times. With the last couple visits being solely to see each other. We weren't planning anything more serious than dating as she lives 6 hours away, and at the end of summer she will return to New York for her last semester of grad school. So, she leaves for New York and basically stops initiating contact and only half-heartedly returns my calls. Which is fine, I obviously don't want to be dating someone in such a remote location. So at this point, I had 2 different scenarios for why she's acting like this. 1) She's in NY and wants to forget about what happened, concentrate on school, and possibly in the future (when she moves back to California) rekindle what we had. 2) She's just not interested anymore. So I decided to confront her and pose to her these two solutions. Of course it's the latter. Which at first glance might seem like a "normal" reponse. The thing that stands out the most to me is that when I visited her in LA right before she left for NY, she changed her flight around so she could hang out with me longer and made up excuses to her professors for why she would miss her first lectures. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't do that for many people. She also said she would spend her free miles to fly out to see me while she was in NY. Not mention, while she was in NY our conversations had not changed. She even said herself at the end of our last conversation "I had a great time hanging out with you this summer, in fact, it was the best part of the summer." And theres a lot of other subtleties that would further progress my argument. And after that conversation (which was the second of two since she's been in NY), she hasn't returned my phone calls at all. It's just confusing as fuck to be so capricious. And the worst of it all is that, I truly would like to be friends with her, if nothing else. That's something that gets thrown around a lot, but I sincerely mean it. But at this point, I've called her a couple times over the course of the past month, and with her now refusing to return my calls, I don't have any say in this friendship. Just when you think you're just starting to understand women, there's a bouleversement. Again, I'm actually pretty tranquil about the whole situation at this point, but writing about it makes it seem otherwise.

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